The alchemy professor
by KuroiWing
Summary: Alchemy is being taught in hogwarts. What happens when different Amestrian alchemist try to teach? Every chapter has different alchemist in it.
1. Armstrong

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or FMA

______________________________________

The golden trio was walking towards thr alchemy classroom.

Last year their teacher had been middleaged man named Tim Marcoh. They hadn't learned almost everything. Their teacher had been a mixture of professor Quirrell and professor Binns.

His lessons had been so boring that half of the class had fallen asleep in the middle of the lesson. The man also seemed like he was scared and looked like he was waiting someone to jump from hiding and attack him.

Everyone was hoping that their new teacher would be more interesting. No one had seen him/her at the feast, but Dumbledore had told them their teacher was from abroad and wouldn't be arriving before midnight.

Harry, Hermione and Ron were now listening other whispering students and stood in front of alchemy classroom. Suddenly the door of the classroom slammed open.

The first thing they saw was... pink sparkles?

But when they glanced more carefully they noticed tall man with mustache. The man was almost as huge as Hagrid and he was wearing blue military uniform.

Most unique thing in this man however were those creepu pink sparkles flying around his head. Few students rubbed their eyes thinking there to be something wrong with them. Apparently the sparkles didn't disappear.

"Come in! My name is Alex Louis Armstrong and I will teach you the fine art of alchemy", the man announced happily smiling as more sparkles emerged.

Some students walked inside tha classroom and sat down, but others just stared at their new alchemy professor in confusion.

Only after few minutes of staring they noticed what they were doing and walked inside in embarrassement.

So their new teacher was... unique. Hopefully he wouldn't be boring and they would actually learn something instead of just falling asleep on their desks or getting even more confused than they were before their lesson started.

"Let's start lesson with example. I'm showing you the skill of the Armstrong family that has passed down from generations to generations", Amrstrong said happily smiling.

He hit the ground with his fist. Bluish alchemic light emerged as the floor started changing its shape.

When the reaction was over there was a large statue of... Alex Louis Armstrong? Okay, so their teacher was even more weirder than they thought at first, but it still wasn't that bad... Right?

Harry stared at the statue for a while and turned to look at their professor. Wait a second?! When did the teacher manage to take his shirt off?

Most of the students were sure they would see nightmares about this class.

__________________________________________

Yup, it's short. I'll keep these chapters short and I'll try to post the next chapter as soon as possible.

Please review! I'll give you a cookie if you do so!


	2. Izumi

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or FMA

__________________________________

The golden trio was(again) walking towards the alchemy classroom. It had been only two weeks since they met their new alchemy teacher.

Armstrong had made history. He had been working as a teacher only for two weeks before he quit. His students were glad even though they didn't show it around other professors.

Only good thing the huge man had done while staying in hogwarts was getting their potion master Severus Snape in to the hospital wing. Someone had told Armstrong about Snape being bullied as a child.

Of course their alchemy professor had been touched. He had given bone cracking hug to the potion master. Literally. Professor Snape had been sent to the hospital wing with his hand and few of his ribs broken.

Armstrong apoligicced many times and decided to quit his job as a teacher to compensate what he did to the potions master.

Now they were waiting for the alchemy class to start and to see their new professor.

Soon the door opened and they saw woman whose dark long hair was on high ponytail.

"You!" she said loudly pointing at the students "Go inside!"

Students skittered behind their desks as quickly as they could without being afraid of angering their new teacher.

"My name is Izumi Curtis and from now on you will call me sensei", the woman stated "Today I will test whose worthy enough to attend this class"

Students started to take up their quills from their school bags.

"I didn't mean a test like that", sensei stated "We're going outside"

New professor walked out of the classroom soon followed by confused students.

Few minutes later they arrived at the edge of the Forbidden forest.

"You're going to spent the whole next week in the forest", sensei stated. Most of the students stared at her like she was crazy "Oh, and not using magic"

Now the students who weren't staring at her before did so.

"Now go! Or you'll have to stay in there for a month!", she stated and pointed towards the forest.

Gulping the bravest students approached the forest looking really scared.

Harry wished he'd made out alive

____________________________________

Second chapter! Short too, just as I told you.

**StargateNerd** and **Nut and Shell**get cookies!

Please preview!


	3. Wrath

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or FMA

_____________________________________

By now every student in Harrys class hoped never having to go close to the alchemy classroom.

They were glad to be alive after last week. Of course they hadn't spent the whole week in the forest. Professor had come to save them after few hours of walking in the forest.

She had noticed the absence of the half of the sixth years and decided to find them.

After that Izumi Curtis had been fired.

Their old teacher's Tim Marcohs lessons started to sound very interesting. But of course he wouldn't come back to teach them.

This time the door of the classroom was already open. Students peeked was it okay to step in without angering their new teacher.

Behind the professors desk there was sitting little boy with long black hair.

"Where's our professor?" asked someone

"That would be me", the boy replied smirking.

All of the students were confused. A child younger than them was going to teach them alchemy?

"I wouldn't be here, but Pride told me and Envy come here", boy replied pointing towards the corner at back of the classroom.

Everyone turned to see... a palm tree? It was getting even weirder. What next? Maybe the palm tree would start moving and talking.

But that wouldn't be possible... right?

"Oi, Envy! Come here! I don't want to teach these brats alone!" the boy shouted to the palm tree, which started walking forwards.

Okay so the palm tree did move, but that didn't mean it could talk.

"Wrath. Tell me again why did I come with you?" the palm tree asked almost growling.

...Maybe they shouldn't trust stereotypes anymore...

And their professor's name was Wrath... Who would name their kid after one of the seven deadly sins?

Suddenly one of the students gasped as he made major discover; the palm tree was actually a green haired teen.

No one knew if this weird palm-tree-look-a-like was a girl or a boy.

"I'm here to teach you annoying brats", stated Wrath smirking widely.

Brats? That kid who was younger than anyone in the class called them brats!?

"By the way, anyone who annoys us will die a very painful death", announced Envy grinning as well.

Those few students who had been planning to complain about being called brats decided to stay quiet.

No one doubted the threat. They already knew not to make professors angry, especially if they didn't know what would happen if they did.

_______________________________________

This chapter was little bit longer...

If there's an alchemist you want to make an appearance in this story, please tell me. I might have forgotten someone from my list. The next chapter will propably be about Mustang. After him Al and Ed have their own chapter. So, any wishes?

Please review!


	4. Mustang

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or FMA

___________________________________

It seemed like job as an alchemy professor has a curse on it. Even worse than defense against dark arts has.

DADA teacher stayed only for a year, but alchemy professors didn't stay more than two weeks before they quit or got fired.

Their newest teacher Wrath had teached for a week, but he and his palm-tree-look-a-like friend had disappeared.

Some of the students claimed they had leaved running as they heard about Nicholas Flamel making philisophers stone. One of the students even said they were immortal persons trying to turn into mortals. No one believed this particular student. After all who would want to become mortal?

Again the Golden trio was walking towards the alchemy classroom. They were talking about the few paintings that someone had torched earlier.

The door was already open, but this time admiring sighs were being heard from the classroom.

Curiously the trio peeked inside to see dark haired man surrounded by happily screaming girls.

"Please go back to your seats", the man said gently and smiled at the girls surounding him like he was aready used to it.

All of the girls hurried back to their seats giggling like they were crazy.

"I'm colonel Roy Mustang" the man stated. All the unmuggleborns were confused when the wordcolonel was said.

"I would like like to know the names of your earlier teachers", Mustang stated.

"Tim Marcoh was our first teacher", replied one of the giggling girls.

"So that's why the military couldn't find him until now", Mustang muttered quietly.

All the students who had heard his words were now shocked. Was their first teacher criminal? If he was then any of their teachers hadn't been normal at all.

"Then was that creepy Armstrong guy"

"I'm glad I wasn't here at that time"

"And then Izumi Curtis, she sent us to the forbidden forest!"

"No wonder Ed's scared of her"

"And then was that kid named Wrath with Envy who looked like palm tree"

"Wait a second! Those two homunculi were here!?" Mustang said sounding suprised.

"Yeah"

"I'm afraid I'll have to leave now", Mustang stated and crabbed his suitcase "Tell Dumbledore not to expect me to come back!"

Mustang hurried out of the classroom leaving confused students behind him.

The first teacher who actually had seemed promising left after only few minutes. Maybe the rumors about the curse were true after all...

________________________________________

Chapter 4 done! I'm sorry it took so long time! My computer decided to start war against me...

Guess who torched the paintings :3

I don't think I'm able to put Lin in any of the chapters. He isn't an alchemist, so he can't actually teach alchemy. But I can write about May as the new professor and I might mention about Hohenheim. Tucker will also be mentioned.

Please review!


	5. Ed & Al

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or FMA

______________________________________

After Mustang left other years had been taught by a ghost called Shou Tucker. The Golden trio had heard that the ghost was some kind of maniac and made experiements on his students.

Of course Harry and others hadn't believed these rumors until one of the second years had come back from alchemy lesson with cat ears and a tail.

The ghost had gotten fired even though the second year did like her new ears. She was an otaku and didn't want Madam Pomfrey to make them disappear for some reason.

All of their teachers had been kinda weird but at least next one couldn't be so bad... Or so they at least hoped.

The students were already sitting in the classroom, but their new teacher wasn't there yet.

Students started talking about different things like missing professor McGonagall who hadn't been seen after the dinner last night or about the sad first year whose cat had gone missing or what kind of person their new professor would be.

At least they knew their teacher wasn't so normal. He or she had a large pile of papers on his/her desk and he/she had carried a large suit of armor in the classroom. But why would they possibly need armor in alchemy class?

Suddenly somekind of antenna looking like device could be seen behind the paper pile.

"I'm your new alchemy teacher Edward Elric", stated voice whose owner could not be seen anywhere in the classroom.

Suddenly one of the students gasped as she looked like she had discovered something

"The paper pile is talking!" she yelled in suprise. After she had shouted the paper pile fell and revealed an angry blond teenager.

...Did that armor just sigh?

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE WOULD SUFFOCATE IF PIECE OF PAPER LANDED ON HIM?!" the short boy ranted trying to attack the girl, but something was holding him back.

...When did that armor move next to the boy?

"Brother! Calm down", the armor stated almost sighing almost like it happened often.

Suddenly Harry noticed one thing he learned from the alchemy class. Everything is not what it seems.

Most of the students had now discovered few thing. One the short boy was their alchemy professor. Two his brother was a suit of armor. Three you couldn't call the boy short. Scratch that last one. Of course you could call him short but it wasn't adviseable unless you had a death wish.

It took a while before their professor managed to calm down, but before he could start teaching loud 'meow' emerged from inside the armor.

"Al... Another cat, right?"

"But they looked so hopeless!"

"There's more than one of them?!"

"Umm... No?"

"Al. They are someones pets. You should let them go"

"But, Brother!"

"No buts"

Whole class was listening the arguing of the two brothers. Could it possibly be that their new professors brother was the one to kidnap all the missing cats.

Nah, that couldn't be possible.

Soon after that the armor opened its chest plate and over ten cats jumped out. Maybe they should not think before getting any proof... Whoa! That's the second thing they learned from alchemy class.

Harry managed to regonize two of them. Other was Hermiones cat Crooshanks and other was... professor McGonagall in her animagus form?

Harry was right soon after the cat had jumped on the floor it turned into their transfiguration teacher. She looked all but happy.

"Umm. Hello?"

__________________________________________

Yup. Longer than the other chapters... I know the ending is not as good as it could be, but it would've been too long if it continued.

Mustang torched the paintings because of a reflex. He was walking towards the classroom when one of the paintings greeted him. That would suprise anyone...

Any alchemist you hope to make an appearance in the coming chapters?

Please review!


	6. Scar

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or FMA

______________________________________

Again. The students were walking towards the alchemy classroom.

Their short professor had left running away shouting about someone calling him so short that there isn't a scientific machine made that could see him. Of course his brother went with him.

Cat owners had been glad about this. They didn't like it when their cat suddenly disappeared and came back when their teacher noticed sound of scratching from inside his brother armor.

One of the fourth years figured that if this went on their next teacher would propably be over 400 years old immortal man(cough-Hohenheim-cough).

After a while of thinking other students noticed that it could be possible. It wouldn't be that weird. Some of the earlier alchemy professors had been much more weirder. Izumi Curtis for examble.

When they got into the classroom there wasn't any old mans to be seen. No one knew if that was a good sing or not.

Soon a man with slightly dark skin and x shaped scar on his face stepped into the classroom.

"It seems you're not the only one with unusual scar", one of the other Gryffindors whispered to Harry.

Their new professor didn't notice their short conversation but stood at the front of the classroom.

"I was asked to teach you about alchemy..." the man stated. One of the students raised his hand carefully.

The man motioned him to speak.

"Excuse me, but what is your name?"

"... The isvalan people proudly call themselves by names that were given to them by god", the man explained and the students nodded without noticing. "I forfeited it"

Okay, so their new teacher is one of those weirdoes... Is there any normal person who could teach alchemy to them?

"What are we going to call you?" One of the students asked

"...Others call me 'scar'..."

Well that was quite fitting...

"Alchemy is against God's will. It shouldn't be used at all", the newly dubbed 'Scar' stated like he was talking about weather.

It seemed like they weren't going to learn anything any time soon... Maybe they could still take ancient ruins instead of alchemy... At least they could learn something in there.

Where did Dumbledore find all of these weirdoes? It could be that they were childhood friends of their headmaster who seemed to be slightly insane himself.

By now few Slytherins were making bets about how their new teacher was going to get fired and when would it happen.

One of them claimed that the new teacher was massmurderer who was tracking after state alchemist. The girl was related to the divination teacher Trelawney and there was no way the things the girl said to be true... Right?

________________________________________

Okay! I'm sorry if the OC at the end bothered. By the way she was the one to claim Envy and Wrath to be immortal trying to turn mortals :3

Thank you to dark0angez! You gave me an idea, but be careful he's coming after you.

Please review!


	7. Kimblee

Disclaimer: I do not own HP or FMA

__________________________________

By now every student in the school was counting their alchemy lessons till summer holiday.

Unfortunately it had been only one and half month from when their holiday ended.

That meant at least 28 weeks. Two hours every week so 56 hours left. Oh the joy!

This week didn't seem any better than the earlier weeks,

Harry and his classmates tried to aproach the alchemy classroom as slowly as possible.

No one wanted to be early in the classroom with teacher who might as well have escaped from the prison without anyone knowing.

When they arrived to the classroom five minutes later(it was amazing how walking ten meters forward could take so long!) they saw man with long dark hair on a ponytail.

Everyone went to sit behind their desks trying to be as un noticeable as possible.

"Hi! I'm Zolf J. Kimblee!" the man said sounding excited "I'm also known as Crimson alchemist"

Whew... That didn't sound so dangerous.

It could've been something like 'the explosion alchemist' or 'the arsonist alchemist' but it wasn't! No need to worry! After all crimson wasn't that bad... but wait... Why crimson?

"I would like to start by teaching you how to make human bombs", their professor stated.

...That explains it pretty well...

It wouldn't be very suprising if he really** had** escaped from prison in somewhere.

Actually no one would be suprised if their new professor would announce being a cold blooded murderer who killed his commanding officers cause they were in his way.

Wait a second! That could be true! Oh no! What were they supposed to do now that they were in same room with a psychopath?

Everyone was thinking about the possibilities to escape from the classroom alive. But it was strange that no one realized that they could just take their wands from their pockets and use few spells if the new professor tried to do anything.

Other weird thing was that everyone was overreacting while the new professor just explained how they were supposed to use sulphur to make things explode.

It propably was Kimblees best day in his whole life. He was teaching his favourite things to a class of kids who all were silent and didn't even ask stupid questions.

Of course he didn't notice the way all the students were trembling as he suggested showing his alchemy as examble...

__________________________________

I'm sorry it took so long! I don't really have any reasons for why it took so long.

Thanks for the reviews!


	8. May Chang

I do not own HP or FMA

_____________________________

The curse on alchemy professor worked again.

This time their professor had been fired after he managed to make half of the great hall explode. Gladly nobody had been there at that time.

None of the students were sad after that happened.

After the first lesson of how-to-make-someone-you-hate-explode no one walked alone to the lessons or breakfast or something like that. After all what if the psycopath they called alchemy professor got bored and decided to make someone explode

The most paranoid students had been looking behind their backs every other second.

Now sixth year Slytherins and Gryffindors were almost happily walking towards their alchemy classroom.

First they were happily thinking about the coming Hogsmeade weekend.

After ten meters of walking they were still smiling but now their thoughts were about thier undone homework

Another ten meters later their smiles had mysteriously disappeared and everyone was already thinking about the next lesson which was going to start in few minutes and their horrible new professor. Actually no one had yet met the professor but after what they had seen, he/she/it couldn't be sane...

Next wen meters were gone quickly. Too quickly if student's opinion was asked. Maybe they could still be able to run away. Who cares about possible detentions when their lives were on line.

SMACK

Another ten meters. By now everyo... Wait a second... Where did that sound come from?

One of the students looked at his feet and noticed standing on small black haired girl lying on floor.

"Umm... Excuse me?" the girl spoke "Is this Hogwarts?"

That was weird. How would someone not know being in Hogwarts.

"...yes" someone replied. Quickly the girl sat up and few students noticed a little panda looking like animal on the floor next to the girl.

"We did it, Xiao Mei!" the girl shouted hugging her pet.

"Would you possibly be our new alchemy professor?" asked one of the students causing others to back off.

"Yes. My name is May Chang and this is Xiao Mei" girl replied smiling "I don't actually use alchemy but Alkhaestry which is almost like alchemy"

Their new professor didn't actually use alchemy. That was something new.

"This is the second time we're teached by a kid younger than us..." someone muttered quietly.

"Who was the first one?" new professor asked smiling after accidentaly hearing the muttering.

"Someone called Wrath, but he left after he heard of the philisophers stone..."

"Did you hear that, Xiao Mei? Philisophers stone!" the girl yelled sounding happy "We must go after it before that homunculus finds it!"

Before anyone could tell about the philisophers stone being destroyed five years ago, their new prosessor had already disappeared behind the corner.

Did this mean they could have free period?

_________________________________________

IMPORTANT!

As you propably noticed there aren't anymore alchemist to write about(unless you count Hohenheim, but it's too hard to try to get inside his head). So the next and the last chapter will be about non-alchemist FMA character trying to teach. And because it's too hard too choose all alone I decided to held a poll.

So please review and tell who you want to be in the next chapter!


	9. Russel & Fletcher

I do not own HP or FMA

Thanks to **Nut and shell** who pointed out that there wasn't chapter about Tringham brothers.

____________________________________

After their newest alchemy professor left everyone was letting their hopes get up.

Maybe Dumbledore couldn't find anymore alchemists to teach them. After all the teacher from last week didn't even know about alchemy but some-kind-of alchemy like science.

No one dared to call it magic after their sho- not so tall teacher from few weeks before(guess who?) ranted about alchemy being a science and not stupid way of past time involving silly stick waving.

Now everyone was walking towards alchemy classroom. Few students were dragging their friends who didn't want to attend the lesson with their new propably-criminal-or-psycopath teacher.

This time in the classroom there were two teens. Taller was examining something and the shorter was reading book from library.

Students tried to tiptoe towards their seats without their new professors noticing them. It obviously failed...

"Hmm... So you arrived already" the taller teen stated.

No one dared to say anything so they just nodded.

"Okay. Is everyone here?" the-new-professor-who-hadn't-mentioned-his-name-yet asked.

Everyone nodded again. Their new teacher seemd promising. He hadn't made anything explode or make cat ears appear on someone's head or forced them in to the forbidden forest.

But they knew they shouldn't trust them. They could be aliens under disguise trying to take over the Earth.

"My name id Russel Tringham and this is my little brother Fletcher", the new professor stated pointing towards the shorter teen who smiled and waved his hand as response.

Few students stared at the younger brother looking for something that could be used as a weapon. Only after they found nothing like that they sighed in relief and looked at the professor.

"Let's start. How much do you actually know about alchemy?" new professor asked.

"..."

"Does that mean you know nothing about the subject?" professor asked sounding suprised "What have my predecessors taught you?"

"...How to make things explode" the bravest student replied with shudder.

Russel slammed his palm on his forehead.

"What kind of idiotic professor would teach you anything like that?" he asked

"...He was propably psycopath..."

"That would explain. So how many of you know what an array is?"

No one raised their hand.

"It seems like I have many things to teach", new professor muttered.

This was the first professor who actually seemed promising. Everyone started to hope that the curce of alchemy professor was already over. They didn't want to have new professor who did experiements with students.

Besides it wasn't like their new professor carried poisonous red liquid everywherew he went or anything like that... Right?

_____________________________________

Again thanks to **Nut and shell**!

The next chapter will propably be about Hawkeye. That's unless more people decide to vote someone else. Time limit is until thursday. At then I'll start writing.

Please review!


	10. Hawkeye

I do not own HP or FMA

* * *

Until now the best alchemy professor in Hogwarts had been Russel Tringham.

But of course the curse of alchemy professor was still working so they would get a new professor again.

Actyally Tringham brothers had left after saying that they came to research magic.

This time in stead of letting their teacher leave peacefully almost all of the students tried to run after them and shouted things like:"We don't want another psycopath!" and "You must save us from crazy short alchemy professors!" and "I never want to go near forbidden forest again!"

After an hour of running away from desperate students Tringham brothers decided to use alchemy to escape.

Near Hagrid's hut there were many new trees that had protected their best-alchemy-teacher-ever from stunners and other that kind of spells his students tried to use to prevent them from leaving.

Mission, to break the curse of alchemy professors, failed.

Now students were walking towards the alchemy classroom.

Within one week(which didn't include psycopath alchemists running around the castle destroying everything they saw) most of the students had already managed to raise their spirits and didn't shiver while approaching alchemy classroom anymore.

And that was what they were trying to do right now...

Few students who hadn't completely recovered yet were hoping their new professor wouldn't be weird prince of some country in somewhere with faitful and easily angered bodyguards or insane mechanic who hit their students with wrench.

Gladly it wasn't.

When they arrived to the classroom there was a woman wearing blue military kind of uniform and had McGonagall like aura around her.

At least McGonagall was better than their earlier alchemy professors...

"I would like you to sit on your seats" the woman stated strictly with a death glare.

Within only few second every student was sitting behind their desks waiting for the woman to say something.

"I would like you to know that I don't know anything about alchemy" this announcement suprised everyone in the classroom "But because your headmaster couldn't find anyone fitting anough to teach you I'm going to keep these lessons until he finds one"

Does that mean they would not have anymore of those insane alchemist. Many students fought the urge to celebrate this new information.

"This is what happens if you don't do your homework or talk while in lesson", woman stated and before anyone could ask what she was talking about she took something shiny and pointed it towards the back of the room.

After several bangs one of the bravest students who had been whispering to his friend was shivering. The wall behind him was full of holes.

By now muggleborns discovered that the shiny object was a muggle gun.

Resisting the urge to shout and panic they tried to listen as their new professor talked.

Later at the dinner:

"I would like to notify that our new alchemy professor has left back to her homecountry and after these threemonts of school I've decided it's better if alchemy isn't taught anymore"

The great hall was filled with loud cheers

* * *

Last chapter... I would've like to continue this story but as you can see there isn't anymore alchemist(of course there's Hohenheim but it's too hard to try to get inside his head)

The winner of the poll was Hawkeye with four voices. But I decided to mention Ling and Winry as they were on second place both with three voices.

Thank you to all readers and especially reviewers!

Please review even though it is the last chapter!


End file.
